She might be someone you pick up at a hotel bar. She might be a dating app match. She could even be someone you flirt with on your flight to Dubai. Gold diggers are all around you, and they can be a bit challenging to spot. Why? Because they’re master manipulators. Fortunately, I’ve come across many of them in my lifetime, and I’m going to lay out all the signs of a gold digger you need to look out for.
What is a gold digger? Well, it’s anyone whose sole interest in you has to do with your wealth. They may charm you into thinking they actually care about you when all they really care about is the balance in your bank account.
According to a DDB Life Style Study, two in 10 single adults would marry someone solely for their money. And contrary to the stereotype, it’s not just the ladies — a solid 54% of these self-proclaimed gold diggers are men. Male gold diggers are significantly more likely to be part of the Millennial generation (40% are male vs. 25% female), whereas female gold diggers are more likely to be boomers (40% are female vs. 27% male).
Want to spot a gold digger before they max out your black card? Here are some red flags that someone is only dating you for your money.
They have expensive taste — without the funds to back it up.
When you met her, she was wearing red-bottom shoes and had a Chloé bag on her arm. She loves wearing her big flashy Halston belt. And she wouldn’t dream of drinking bubbly if it isn’t Moët. If it’s a guy, he probably drives a blinged-out car, never leaves the house without a Rolex on his wrist, and only imbibes top-shelf single malt scotch.
It’s time to ask yourself: how are they able to support this high-rolling lifestyle? Because if they don’t come from family money, and they don’t have a career that would justify such purchases, that might be a hint that they’re just leeching off other people — like you, and maybe past romantic partners. A gold digger will make it a point to impress you with their expensive taste early on. That way, they can set the standard for what they expect from you in terms of gifts, dates, vacations, etc.
Their social media is just an outlet to brag about their lifestyle.
You can tell a lot about someone’s values by their social media feeds. If you scroll through their Instagram profile and all you see are boastful posts about indulgent spa days at 5-star hotels, luxury vacations, dinners at Michelin-star restaurants, and their latest designer purchases, that should be a big red flag. Why? Because it’s one thing to enjoy the finer things in life, and it’s quite another if your whole life revolves around bragging about them.
They always seem to have a financial crisis.
Last month it was a car repair. Now it’s a doctor’s bill, or needing a new phone. Once a gold digger has hooked you, you might notice that they’ll constantly be in some kind of financial crisis. Some of them may be legitimate, while others may simply be a test to see how much you’re willing to pay to keep them around. Just know that while they may
promise to pay you back for these favors, they probably never will.
They only express gratitude for material things.
You know how they say “it’s the thought that counts?” A gold digger doesn’t get that one bit. Take notice of whether they show appreciation for small gestures — like a heartfelt card, a bouquet of flowers after a long week, or a home-cooked meal. If they don’t seem to react with nearly as much enthusiasm or gratitude as when you buy them a lavish present, then you’ll know that all they see is dollar signs.
They have a shady — or sparse — employment history.
One foolproof way to identify a gold digger is to take a look at their career — or lack thereof. It’s normal to spend some time after college figuring out what you want to do with your life or change jobs a few times before you figure out what you really want to pursue. But if you ask them what they do for work and what their professional goals are and they can’t come up with an answer, that’s worth paying attention to. A gold digger doesn’t have any plans for the future because they have no interest in earning their own income, they’d rather drain your pockets.
They never, ever offer to pay the bill.
It’s not unusual for one partner to foot the bill on dates more frequently at the beginning of a relationship, or even later on if they’re earning significantly more than the other person. That said, if your date never even attempts to contribute, yet only requests to go to expensive establishments, that’s a red flag. Some may convince themselves that you wouldn’t let them pay even if they tried, or that they “deserve” to be pampered. Regardless, if they always seem to get up to go to the bathroom just as the check arrives and you’re left with the tab, you might very well have a gold digger on your hands.
They’re moving at warp speed.
It’s like Kanye West said in his hit song “Gold Digger, “She got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years.” A gold digger won’t hesitate whatsoever to get pregnant with your child or propose to you, because as soon as you become legal spouses or parents then what’s yours is theirs. They’ll feel more secure once they have legal rights to sharing your finances or getting child support from you.
Remember: if someone really cares about spending the rest of their life with you, they’ll be in no rush. They’ll want to build a strong foundation of trust and emotional connection, no matter how much time that takes. So, if they’re not taking steps to do that and attempting to progress things at an uncomfortable or unusual pace, it might be a sign that they don’t actually intend to be with you for the long haul.
She seems way out of your league.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. If the person you’re dating is significantly younger and more attractive than you, it’s time to ask yourself why they might be drawn to you. Sure, there’s a chance that it’s your sparkling personality, your wisdom and maturity, and your character and integrity. But there’s also a solid chance that it’s your baller budget. That’s why it’s crucial to pay attention to when they seem most enthusiastic to be around you. If it’s only when you’re spending money on them, then they’re probably not in this relationship for the right reasons.
I know it can be disappointing to fall for someone only to realize that they’re only interested in you for your money. And as a seasoned relationship investigator and professional matchmaker, I’m dedicated to helping people dodge those bullets. Many of my clients have millions in the bank, and fortunately, I can sniff out a gold digger within mere minutes of meeting them. If you’re tired of meeting people who are disingenuous about their intentions, let me step in to find attractive, educated, successful singles who will actually like you for you — not just the balance in your bank account.
Susan Trombetti, Matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.