Moving in together with your partner is great and exciting, but it can easily turn into an uncomfortable situation, if not done correctly. This doesn’t mean there’s some magical recipe to make everything work.
However, your experience can be much better if you know what you’re getting yourself into. For instance, knowing about all the different ways your life is going to change.
Yes, your life is going to dramatically change if you decide to share a roof with your partner. How that change affects your relationship is totally in your hands.
You see, dating is fun and when you decide to move in together, you are excited to start a new chapter.
Which is justifiable, but you also need to keep in mind that not everything is going to be rainbows and butterflies or reach your expectations. You’ll have your ups and downs, deal-breakers and you might even struggle to adjust to sharing your space with another person. Sometimes what starts as a fun chapter can easily end up being an unexpected disaster.
Moving in together is a big step
One that requires a lot of effort from both you and your partner. Even if you are head over heels for each other, you are still going to face challenges. Little silly things can become hurdles in your relationship. Sometimes, no matter how compatible you are, it will take time for you to adjust to your new way of living.
When you’re dating, you spend a limited amount of time with each other. Even if you see each other every other day, you go to separate homes once it’s time to say goodbye. However, when you are living together things can be different.
You go home and spend almost all of your time together.
While this means more time and a stronger relationship, it can also mean more fights and less privacy. Hence, at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to look at things. The key to living together successfully is compromise and honesty.
Ways your life and relationship changes after moving in together
Your partner is always watching you
Now, this might sound a little creepy, but it’s true. Living together means you are being watched 24/7 by your other half. When you are dating, your partner mostly knows what you are doing when you are with them.
However when living together, you end up going home together, which means you are aware of everything the other person is doing throughout the day and vice versa. You are no longer a single person.
You have to be accountable to your partner for your time. For instance, you need to tell them that you are going to the grocery store or even just for a walk around the neighborhood. Otherwise, it can easily turn into something terrible which you wouldn’t want. In other words, your presence and absence are noticed at all times.
What is privacy anymore?
If you are moving in together, you might just need to forget the concept of privacy. Again, when you are dating, you are together most of the time, but not always. But now you are going to be together all the time.
Especially with the pandemic, most of us work from home and are bound to stay indoors. While this means that you get more time with your partner, it also means that you have little to no time to yourself.
Your me-time is now “Us” time and this can be a big deal-breaker. Particularly for introverts who need time to themselves. It is important to stay apart for a little while to keep your relationship steady.
You are no longer you
Just like your time, your identity is also shared. You no longer think about yourself only. For instance, when buying furniture or getting groceries, or even cooking you have to look out and be considerate of your partner’s taste too.
You will have to compromise on many things if you want this thing to work out and it might just start with not getting a pet because of your partner’s allergies.
Hence, you are no longer just you, but we and you need to think about and keep an eye for your partner’s interests and choices too.
What was once cute is now annoying
When you start living together you come to know of all the different habits of your partner and some might turn you off. Maybe they snore while sleeping or they leave the empty milk cartons in the fridge.
Little acts that you didn’t know before can be major deal breakers and cause unnecessary fights. Moreover, their quirks that you once found cute have suddenly become annoying because you’re with them all the time.
You fight at the dumbest things
When you are together all the time, it is easy to get into little quarrels and arguments. What is more interesting is that most of these fights are because of the dumbest things.
For instance, fighting on who does what chores is one of the key differences between dating and moving in together.
With dating, you do not have to wash the dishes or take out the trash, but when you are living together you have to do these things and the majority of the time they end up being the reason for many of your arguments.
Especially when one of you has different habits than the other. Now, if your partner has a habit of leaving their socks under the bed and you are a cleanliness freak, you might need to rethink the whole idea of living together or need to have a serious talk with your partner about it.
You have financial issues
Your relationship can run into trouble if you have not talked about dividing your money beforehand. Living together is not just spending time 24 hours a day, it’s also about sharing your space, chores, and money.
If you did not have a proper talk about who and how your bills are going to be paid, you may be getting into fights.
Moreover, finding out about your partner’s bad spending habits can also be a big deal breaker and cause problems in your relationship.
Hence, it is important to talk about money before making the big decision of living together. Even if it turns out that your partner has bad financial habits you can always talk them out of it or even seek therapy.
Ways to make your moving-in experience fruitful
Don’t move-in with expectations
Don’t move in with specific expectations of how your partner should behave. Because if they do otherwise, you will be disappointed. Instead, keep an open mind.
Your partner does not have to do everything your way. Actually, there is no right way! Just because they do some things different from you, does not mean that they are wrong!
You need to be open-minded and accept the way your partner does things and if it’s too hard for you to understand, you can always sit down and talk about it. However, do not bottle things up. It’ll cause you to explode at one point and resulting in a bigger and messier fight. The key to not messing up your relationship after moving in together is compromising and honestly talking things out.
Talk about your budget
Always talk about money before you sign a lease. This can save you from later fights on bills and spending habits. Splitting up your bills and budgets can also be a great way to save money since there is one house and two people earning.
Also, saving money means more money for your dates and presents. Moreover, since there are two incomes you can also buy better stuff.
When you live together it is easy to pick each other’s habits and one of these can be spending habits. Hence, you must divide your bills fairly, so that even if you take on the other person’s bad spending habit, it does not affect your relationship, in terms of finance.
Be on the same page
Before moving under the same roof, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. If you are moving in with someone, it means you plan to stay together for a longer period of time.
However, if you are not on the same page, in terms of your values and goals, it might not be a good choice to move together. For instance, if you move in and plan to get married in the future, but you later find out that your partner does not have the same plans. It could become a major problem in your relationship.
It is important to know what your partner’s long term goals are and you need to discuss your values and priorities before making the big decision.
If you and your partner have more differences than similarities, then it’s best to not move in together. Otherwise, it can cause your relationship a lot of trouble.
Give your partner space
Giving your partner space is very important to make your relationship work when living together. Otherwise, you can get tired of each other just after some time and get into unnecessary fights.
Moreover, during this pandemic, when we are at home all the time, it is more than important to create space in your relationship. Being together from sunup to sundown can make you get annoyed with each other.
Hence, it is important to add solo activities to your day. It can be as simple as reading a book or even going out for a walk or hike.
You can also give each other space when you are together by just doing your own thing next to each other. It is important to keep boundaries and understand your partner to make your experience fruitful.
Don’t be angry for too long
When you are living together, it’s hard to ignore each other when you fight. So make up as soon as you can. It can be awkward for both you and your partner to see each other after you have fought and not made up.
Do not go to bad angry! Even if you fought, give yourself some time and then talk everything out and makeup. Otherwise, it will be very awkward to sleep next to each other.
Compromise and talk everything out!
Every relationship has fights and arguments, whether you are dating or living together. However, the key to a successful relationship is compromise and honesty.
You need to adjust your needs and wants to the other person and create a space that allows compromise from both of you.
Even the most complicated arguments can be solved if you have the willingness to make things work.
If you do not like a particular habit of your partner, try to understand them and put yourselves in their shoes. If that doesn’t work, you can always tell them about it politely and come to a solution that works for you both.
This is always better than filling up grudges against each other and bottling things up. The bottom line is, moving-in together can either make or break your relationship; the key is how you choose to look at things and if you have the willingness to make things work.