Yes it is!
A very slow but incredibly powerful sickness that will steadily crawl into the relationship and consume it all. Unfortunately it became such a commonly used weapon by couples that we begin to think it’s normal. We accept it.
Not only in romantic relationships but also it’s a generic human tendency.
Ignorance is a virus. Once it starts spreading, it can only be cured by reason. For the sake of humanity, we must be that cure. – Neil deGrasse Tyson
Ignorance is not a quality to be proud of in a relationship. It makes everything and everybody cold and indifferent. Whether it’s you or your partner, you must realize that ignorance is a cancer for both of you and the relationship won’t last.
The two of you need to commit yourselves to change. Act now to save what you have built, to be able to nurture the relationship mutually.
Ways To Deal With Ignorance
Remember! You have to be serious to make a change. If it’s yourself that needs to be dealt with or your partner, doesn’t matter. Changing one’s attitude is no piece of cake. Make all the effort necessary but be prepared that you may not succeed. After all a relationship is a two way affair and requires both sides to thrive.
1. Stop Being Overly Critical
There is a difference between being honest and criticizing everything the other does. Nothing wrong letting your partner know if you don’t like something. Of course do that. Honesty is one of the basic pillar of a relationship.
It is not what you say but how you say it
When it’s done harshly it makes the other person feel bad about themselves. It will cause two things; turning to defensive or quitting. None of them will have a constructive effect on your relationship. If you must criticize – do it straight but gentle. You should aim it to be a genuine positive feedback.
2. Watch Out For Your Temper
I know it’s not easy to change but you can consciously make an effort to look out for it. Sometimes we all say things that we regret later. However if it keeps happening and you continuously need to apologize after arguments, means you have no control.
I myself would say – I don’t need your sorry, I need you to prevent it from happening so you don’t need to get to a stage of apology. Valid point, right? Perhaps wait until your temper cooled down, only then engage a conversation.
3. Have Some Empathy
I could have said try feeling what your partner is feeling. I believe it’s hard for all of us but the truth is the world doesn’t revolve around you.
Arguably it will be your ego that kills the relationship. Tone it down! To shut your partner out and only taking care of your own issues will not solve the real problem. Letting yourself be vulnerable with your emotions might. We are all humans, we all need help sometimes. Share it with the one cares for you and love you the most.
4. Avoid Becoming Strangers In The Relationship
You are too busy, I get it. You are an integral part of your workplace. You are a crucial member of your community. So you are at home, for the person who you choose to love and live with. Nobody is asking you to quit your job or sport team. Surely you can balance it though, so you have time for both.
Usually the problem is that what we already have or achieved, we take for granted. Very often relationships fall into this trap. Let’s look at it from a different perspective.
Before you were that important at your workplace, or anywhere for that matter – who was there to support you? Who has been standing by your side and allowing you to achieve your ambitious goals? Who has been making you feel peaceful as you got home after a difficult day? Who created an environment where you can be yourself, relax and enjoy life?
If you take away one part of the equation, the whole thing will collapse. Don’t forget that!
5. Fear Of Intimacy And Ignorance
Even though it sounds contradictory these are the two inborn fears people have. Think about it. What do you most fear in a relationship? To lose your partner, or for him to get too close to you. It’s ironic considering that none of it can exist without the other.
You cannot be with somebody for a long term who is not close to you. Equally you can’t lose the one you want to be closest to. To balance these two is the ultimate relationship task.
Intimacy represents connection while ignorance does distance. To find the healthy point between the two is where most relationships struggle. I wish there were a magic answer, solution for this, but I am afraid it’s different for every one of us. There will be various times, stages of the relationship where one needs support and closeness while the other wants distance.
This is natural. When it escalates that’s when the trouble begins. Slowly the inability to balance the two will transform into hurt. Hurt will become anger.
We act this way when our needs ( whether emotional or physical ) are not met.
What can you do?
The simple answer would be to tell your partner what you are missing. Unfortunately we have been brought up to reject our needs. The result of this will be that we are trying to get our needs met in different ways. It starts with manipulating our partner to give us what we want. Sadly it often ends finding it somewhere else with somebody else. Cheating that is.
To prevent that, both of you must understand your anger. You must also understand the underlying reason for the other’s anger. Remember, anger is a secondary emotion. It evolves from the primarily feeling which is causing the real issue.
Identify and address the source of the problem. For that you need to let anger go. Share your feelings and emotions with your partner and listen to his as well. Communicate and discuss them. Take care and protect your relationship.