Does it feel like everyone around you is in a committed relationship, yet you still remain single? Is it really that hard to find love and keep it? To put it simply, it’s not.
We have grown up believing that love is a life-altering and mind-blowing fantasy that involves wind blowing through our hair and light romantic music playing in the background. In reality, this isn’t the case.
Sometimes it takes reorienting our expectations on love in order to find honest, potential partners instead of scaring them away with these unrealistic expectations society has set for us.
Nowadays dating is more complicated than ever before. With technology advancing and most of the communication taking place through smartphones, connecting with someone to a deeper level and building a relationship can be quite a task. But that might not be the only reason you aren’t in a relationship.
Sometimes it’s hard not to feel victimized while dating. At times, we might end up hurt. Even though it isn’t always our fault, the reality is, we hold more control over our romantic destiny than we know.
To a certain extent, we have the ability to build the world we live in. It’s up to us whether we want to victimize ourselves or take control of our own lives. We need to focus on what we have a hold over instead of what we don’t.
It is important to be aware of the different ways we might have an influence on someone’s reaction, positive or negative. Ask yourself what are some of the internal challenges you may need to deal with?
There might be numerous reasons why you aren’t in a serious relationship, despite being ready. It is extremely crucial to discover self-compassion and patience for ourselves to stop feeling stuck and frustrated.
There may be several reasons you are not currently in a relationship. Let’s see some common reasons that contribute to the pain or loneliness of being single when you’d rather be in a loving relationship.
Feeling Undeserving or Insecure
Studies show that we are more likely to select partners that we believe are exceptionally near to how we perceive ourselves. If we have feelings of insecurity about our appearance, past, or think we’re incredibly flawed. These insecurities can overpower our ability to build a connection with someone. It can attract us to people who cannot commit to us for a similar or even different reason. Maybe the pain of past relationships makes it hard to be vulnerable and make you fearful or undeserving of a new relationship.
Many people believe that no one worthwhile would ever be interested in them. We all have inner voices that might tell us we’re too ugly, fat, or too different, but if we continue to listen to these voices, we might end up pushing people away.
Being Too Picky
It is quite possible that your parents didn’t give you any praise during your childhood. Perhaps they were just never satisfied enough. It is also possible that your parents gave you so much praise that you eventually expected perfection as a norm.
These experiences can unknowingly make you believe that your potential partner is not good enough. Resulting you never giving them the chance to prove you wrong.
You might also feel as if you’ve dated so many people, and when it doesn’t work out, you let this limited group of failed dates convince you that the right person doesn’t exist.
It is unfair to have unrealistic expectations for someone or identify their flaws and weaknesses from the moment we meet them. Looking at the world with a critical perspective can take away your chance of having a deep connection or relationship with someone.
While re-evaluating the requirements you have set for a potential partner, work on realizing how you might be limiting your options. Try becoming more open-minded and revive your hopefulness, and you will be reminded that there are wonderful people out there for you to meet.
Scarred For Life
Being hurt by a past relationship definitely can make it hard to trust again. Wanting a relationship might be easy for you, but to maintain it is the tricky part.
These feelings of shame, anger, frustration, or despair at having your heart broken can make it difficult to be confident and meet someone new.
Ongoing pattern of negative physical and personal beliefs can be reinforcing. The incapability to trust someone can make you believe that anyone who pursues you will abandon you.
It might make you angry, defensive, and extremely suspicious—leaving you with an intense longing for a romantic connection.
Feeling like you are just bound to ruin everything might make you wonder what the point of even trying is. Self-sabotaging allows you to believe you are undeserving of a relationship. Or you might be purposefully testing the strength of the relationship, which can create a disaster.
Letting your past experience cloud your judgment or interfere with your current relationship is a recipe for disaster. It does not encourage a healthy and happy relationship.
Whether intentional or unintentional, driving people away can make it extremely difficult to avoid falling into the same trap in the future.
Work hard on viewing everyone as different individual. Keep in mind that we all have different life experiences and a different background that forms us into the person we are today. Thinking that every future prospect is leading us to the same path as before can cause you to miss out on unique new relationships and possibilities.
Trauma can come in various forms. If it’s not handled in a supportive and nurturing environment, it can ruin your perception and capability to love and trust again. If something or someone traumatizes you, it’s vital to find a person you trust.
Find a safe space and process everything that’s occurred. Understand how it might have impacted you, and slowly start to untighten its hold on you. By doing this, you are getting rid of its power to hurt you in any way and help you becoming stronger.
The problem is, the opportunity just hasn’t presented itself. Regardless of how badly you’d like to be in a relationship, you always seem to find yourself without a partner. Bad timing can make situations awfully frustrating and cause you to feel an intense amount of pressure.
Be patient but don’t just sit around waiting for things to happen. Go out and do something you enjoy. Have new experiences, and stay open to different possibilities.
Don’t Want To Leave the Comfort Zone
As we get older, we tend to get deeper and deeper into our comfort zones. It is so easy to create a bubble that is difficult to escape from. Many people would rather put on their pyjamas after a long workday than take risks and try something new because of their anxiety associated with meeting new people.
Majority of the activities we are so comfortable with can end up making us feel horrible and lead us to avoid chasing what we desire in life. It is crucial to not listen to our critical inner voice and resist falling into the same routine.
Instead, challenge yourself. Make an effort when you go out. Smile at people, make eye contact. Let it be known you are interested in the world. By trying new things and dating various different people, you are giving yourself the ability to discover parts of yourself that you were not even aware existed.
Here are some dating tips to consider in this modern world of romance. Keep in mind; there is no wrong or right answer. Pick the tips that are most helpful and ditch the ones that aren’t. It is essential to experiment and find out what works for you.
- Be upfront
If you are looking for a serious relationship, it’s best to be upfront and honest about that. Hiding it will not help you in any way. Otherwise, the person you have been dating will continue to keep things casual while your time is being wasted.
Let go of the idea that you might scare someone off by expressing your desire for a serious relationship. If they bail on you for doing so, they show you how loyal they would be in the long run. So, in the end, you’re benefiting yourself either way.
- Don’t pay so much attention to planning
Not everyone is a great planner, so don’t feel let down if your date hasn’t planned a romantic evening with every detail thought out so effortlessly. It’s more important to notice if they follow up on plans that were made.
This allows you to see if they are mature, willing, and interested enough to put in the effort of following through on plans. This doesn’t mean it’s okay if they only contact you out of convenience or hardly put in the effort to show you they are thinking of you.
It also doesn’t hurt to do some of the planning yourself. If you have a great idea for a date, throw it out there. Not only they will appreciate the effort, but it might also take some stress off their shoulders.
- It doesn’t matter who pays
It’s about time we stopped enforcing gender roles on our dates. There is not a single reason why the man has to pay for the meal just as there’s no reason for the woman to.
Either one of you can offer to cover or split the bill. Whether your date accepts the offer or not, they will certainly appreciate the offer. Try not to make a big deal out of little things.
- Do not mention your ex so early on
Early dates should be very light and easy. Bringing up past relationships or heartbreaks can become very heavy. If the dates seem to be going well and you see it forming into a relationship, there will be plenty of time to discuss breakups and learn more about your partner later.
If your date brings up conversations about past relationships, let them know you’d love to talk about that once you get to know one another better.
What do you think is holding you back from being in an honest, committed relationship? Through getting to understand yourself and working on recognizing traits from previous experiences, you are giving yourself the ability to recognize the challenges in your way.
There are numerous reasons you might find yourself single even when you don’t want to be. Look inside yourself to find the reasons that might be holding you back from so many possibilities. Deepen your self-compassion, and understand and accept your journey. This is the first step on the path of discovering happiness.